back again

Jun. 23rd, 2010 02:15 am
svollga: (heel)
I sort of got lost during the last weeks - first I had a deadline, and every moment I was psending bloggin was a moment I wasn't working, so I stopped myself. And then, I just... got unused to blog in English, I think. But as it's my plan to become better in the language (and also, as this blog is a place I can express some things I can't express in Russian and/or in y other blogs), I'm coming back.

I got a new job, though not quite - I can't be sure until I get my first paycheck. But it it works, it will be pretty good. I love translating, but I became worse in it, mostly because I read and watch too much in English, so during translation, I can't switch to normal Russian patterns and vocabulary. My translated text look like English text in Russian words and letters. It sucks. It's a signal of a professional burnout. It takes time and effort to heal. So, I hope I'll spend some time at my new, entirely different job.

Also, I now have time for two things I wanted to do but my translator job prevented me. (Mostly because it was always big projects, when I spent months with the knowledge that I have a job to do, and every minute I'm not doing it is lost. The curse of a freelancer.) I can go to the swimming pool/gym, and I can write fanfiction.

I really need some physical exercise in my life, and the doctors are telling me to go swimming for ages. I started to visit the swimming pool in May, but then stopped because of workload. Now I'm back there, and it's mostly great though I dislike some slight discomfort before/after (as the place I go swimming isn't perfect in their client service). I'm thinking about going back to the gym I've visited a year ago, to go there and to the swimming pool in turns. Also, though I like the way I look, I want to make my belly flat, and it seems that exercises at home aren't enough.

Speaking of which: this is how I look if you were wondering.
And speaking of entirely different which:
Huge, the new ABC's project, looks promising though can become a big fail. But it has Nikky Blonsky and Gina Torres!

As for fanfiction... I totally missed the dates of LGBT-fest, but I will finish the story and post it for the Amnesty. Actually, I finished my part and sent it to the beta-reader but haven't heard back yet. This is my main problem with writing in English: I don't have a permanent beta-reader, and don't know where to find one. In Russian, I have one constant beta and a group of first-readers, so I have feedback at different stages or working on the story and have it beta-read fast enough to get the bigger feedback almost immediately after finishing. Also, I'm very sure in my Russian style and grammar so if the fic is short and/or my beta is busy I can post it unbearead. In English, I can make stupid mistakes and am generally afraid of showing the text without having it read by an English speaker. And I don' have one on hand, sadly.

I checked my drafts folder and discovered that I have several stories in English which I have shown only to the closest circle. There's a Torchwood/Equilibrium action story, with the Doctor and Cybermen, and some Torchwood cast RPS rp0n, and also some Robin Hobb kinky fanfiction, not to mention the unfinished drafts and parts of the Big TW/EQ Crossover (which includes the LGBT-fest story). All of them unbetaread and thus, sitting in the table. I'm thinking about posting them at least to this blog - it's my personal space, so I can edit them whenever I want, and they will still be out there.

svollga: (wish)
I posted on one of my blogs some of self-portraits by Jen Davis. I really like this project, for both its artistic and social value.
One person asked me if I could fall in love with Jen or  aperson looking like this. I said that it is possible. Then the same persone asked if my female partner (the word is gendered in Russian) is thin. Because I could lie about liking a fat woman while having a thin partner.
I told this person to fuck off. But now I'm angry and want to vent.

Can I count how much is wrong with this question? Starting with the fact that it was actually asked? My private life is nobosy's business. My partner's looks is nobody's business. My partner's gender is nobody's business and not up for assumption. As well as the assumption that I have a partner at all, or that I have only one partner. Actually, even my personal preferences and my own body shape had nothing to do with me liking that project and the idea of fat acceptance that it embodies.

...ugh.
Dead Universe, make all stupid people clever right now, please?
svollga: (granat)
Nikolai Nikifirov, a poet who was staying over at Ilya’s place, claims to have heard Ilya [Trushevsky] and an as-of-yet-unnamed friend of his assaulting the girl in the next room, and posted an account of what he says went down on LiveJournal. Most of it is so graphic that we couldn’t print the details.
The Roman Polanski Humanitarian Award: Ilya Trushevsky & other recipients

In addition, Winzavod, a well-known Moscow art gallery, awarded Trushevsky a 'Moral Support' award.
Brilliant.

svollga: (sky)
What I really hate about last-days-till-deadline period is that this is the period I get tons of ideas and thoughts all boiling in my head (because my job is intellectual but mechanical at the same time), and I don't have any time to work on them, and they just keep growing.

Now, I suddenly have a desire to write in two more fandoms, both with het pairings which is totally new area for me. Well, not entirely new - but I've been writing slash since my first fanfic (which included a one male/six females orgy and male/male final pairing), and I tend to think of myself as a slasher. So, I feel like I'm walking into a strange land.

Actually, while writing this, I remebered that I have some het stories, or het pairings in multypairing stories. But the only time I had to write about developing het relationship was in a Gwen/Hart bdsm-done-wrong!story, which doesn't quite qualify as experience in writing het.

But do I really have to have experience in writing het? I discovered that it is easier to me to think about the stories if I forget that the characters are of different sex, because then, I plan it like a slash story. On the other hand, being male and female is an important part of their personalities and their dynamic, and I know it. Alex/Gene won't be the same if Alex were male, it would be more like Sam/Gene. Prentiss/Hotch has tons of additional bits to it because of Prentiss being female - a possibility of pregnancy, Hotch's distrust to women...

On the other hand, it makes it all the more interesting. I'm working on my own internalized prejudice this last year - misogyny and heterophobia, among other things - and writing het would be a very useful experience. (I already tried my hand in writing femslash, and made a good job with it in PWP, though now I want to write some long story with adventures and character development and relationship development.)
svollga: (granat)
I think there's some special kind of hell for people who write woobie!Gene Hunt.
svollga: (tv)
I loved the finale, but as soon as the ending credits rolled, I knew that I want to write fanfiction because there are other details and variations of the ending I want to see. So, below is basically a knee-jerk fic.

Title: Hallo Spaceboy
Fandom: Ashes to Ashes
Characters: Gene, Alex
Rated: PG
Timeline: After 3x08
Words: 590
Disclaimer: 'Ashes to Ashes' belongs to the BBC and Monastic Productions.
Summary: A lot of things changed in Gene's Kingdom.
Warnings: Un-betaed. Spoilers for the finale.

Hallo Spaceboy )
svollga: (Default)
I should really stop watching ongoing TV-shows I get emotionally invested into.
Really. I'm too sentimental for this. I get invested, and I spend the week before the finale waiting and watching previous episodes back to back, and then I spend the last 24 hours running in rounds on the ceiling, and then I spend s couple of hours hypnotizing the torrent into going faster, and then it's 5 in the morning and everyone is asleep while I want to talk about it.
I'm fine with being emotionally invested in the show, that's what they are for. I'm fine with ongoing shows, especially when they are planned with separate plotlines per episodes. But sometimes it's too much.
Let's not talk about Children of Earth (which had me doing nothing for a whole week because I couldn't). Let's not talk about End of Time because I was strong enough to wait until both parts aired, to spare myself from the guesswork of the period between the episodes (which means that I stopped reading any of my friend lists and talking to most of my communication circle to esape the spoilers). And I'm really glad that I wasn't watching Buffy while it aired for the first time because I would have a heart attack somewhere during season 6, and another one while waiting for Chosen. Also, I'm glad that I started watching Criminal Minds after Mayhem and Lo-Fi aired, because that cliffhanger? Not nice. I had enough waiting between episodes 99 and 100 this fall.
This year, I had Dollhouse back in winter, and now Ashes to Ashes. I suddenly became invested in Ashes somewhere after episode 3x06, and I spent this las week waiting for the finale. And it came, and I watched it, and now I'm burning with both satisfaction and afterglow and craving for more and a little bit of dissapointment which has more to do with my personal desire to have all the characters living their happily ever after in some sort of family units, never alone. (I will probably have to write some reaction-fanfiction to get read of this nagging feeling. Something sappy. Or smutty. Or both.) It was brilliant, really - some very good television, something I add to my list of most recommended. But... bloody emotional investment into ongoing TV-shows. Now, when it's over, I miss it.

Digest of other shows I watch:
Castle left me a bit dissappointed with the way they started to resolve the UST - too much mansplaining, too little action for the girl.
Criminal Minds have one more episode which will be a cliffhanger, so I'm thinking about skipping it until the next year. The last three episodes in a row were very good. (Though I'm still waiting for the echoes of Hotch's tragedy and breakdown.)
House made my OTP into reality. And the scene itself was so very sweet. Oh my. I am sentimental.
Doctor Who still goes on, and Lie to Me starts in a couple of weeks.


svollga: (lgbt)
For just 10 minutes, 40 Belarusians and Russians waived a 12 meters long rainbow flag for a short march of approximately 200 meters. They were at first met by a large group of journalists, photographers and TV crew. But when they reached the first crossing point, they were trapped by several vans of anti-riot police.
http://www.towleroad.com/2010/05/belarus-pride-parade-ends-violently.html
svollga: (heel)
I'm sitting in the cafe, drinking coffee and smoking. My friend leaves for the bathroom. There are two men at the next table. One of them looks at me and says to me that I should stop smoking and start running. I say that's not his business. He says (and his friend joins in) that the nation is dying because there are no healthy women to give birth. I ask how is it my problem exactly, and what is his business with me again, and what the fuck, really. (I'm very angry at the moment because I was having a lovely time with a very good friend chatting about Criminal Minds and feminism and guess what? women's health, and I'm sort of unprepared for a stranger to talk to me like that.)
It ends up with me nearly telling them to shut the fuck up, and them eventually shutting up and leaving. I didn't say anything really rude because first, they are two big men twice my age and I am a small young female, and two, it's a cafe I frequent (the only one good cafe in a neighbourhood and one of the two in the entire town, and the coffee is of Ianto Jones's quality) and they probably frequent, too, and I don't want to have problems.

Now, how much is wrong in this situation?

1. What I do with my body is nobody's business.
2. Especially not the business of the strangers...
3. ...who were - guess what? - sporting beer bellies and smoking cheap cigarettes!
4. And especially not because of my own health, but the health of my potential babies.
5. Which I might or might not have, but it is, once again, nobody's business but mine.
6. And if I have them, it's not for the bloody 'nation', whatever it is.
7. Also, those strangers better not make assumptions about my health, habits, family status and plans for the future.
8. The fact that I have to tell them off sucks, but the fact that I have to be careful with it sucks even more, because I should not be afraid of telling off rude people in a peaceful public place, but I am.
9. Because they are male, stronger, and I doubt that anyone will come to my side in a conflict.

End of the venting. Shit happens. And the day was lovely except for this little episode.

TV series

May. 15th, 2010 01:27 pm
svollga: (tv)
I suddenly discovered that I'm more invested in the plot and character development of Ashes to Ashes that that of Doctor Who. Maybe it's because in A2A, it's the grand finale, second-to-last episode just aired, and it is brilliant. And I've waited for tonight's episode of DW but god bloody spoiled too much and not that interested now.
Really, I want to know what Gene Hunt is and what happened to Sam Tyler and how it ends for Alex, I can't wait till next week - but I'm afraid that they will lose it in the last episode. This tension, this energy of the mystery... Well, they did well in Life on Mars (except for that scene after the jump, I still think the jump was the best place to end on though I adore Annie/Sam) but will it go that well for A2A?

Unrelated: sometimes I have a feeling that I watch two tv-shows, one filmed in the UK and the other in US, because I'm in the phase where you know the faces of all guest stars and actors in background roles and know the names of many of them. Really. The one person I keep seeing way too often is Yellow-Eyed Demon from Supernatural; I always think there are be the Winchester brothers somewhere nearby.

Speaking of Supernatural, I can't but remember RTD's famous recommendation for Torchwood fangirls dissappointed by CoE. Oh, the irony!
Also, I haven't seen it yet but judging from the spoilers, the God in this universe is spoiler )
svollga: (smile)
Last weekend, I had sort of new experience/discovery about romance and relationship and stuff.

Read more... )

Aside from that sour romance stuff, the weekend was really good. Dancing and people and a night outside of the sity, with wine and fod under open sky. Then people again, good friends, exiting talks.

Victory Day

May. 7th, 2010 04:54 pm
svollga: (smile)
As I will be offline until onday, I'm writing this post today.

May 9 is the Victory Day, Den' Pobedy, the day of Victory over Nazi Germany. It's the day I celebrate personally because though I was born long after the Great Patriotic War (Second World War for those outside of the former USSR), and no one among the relatives I know personally was a soldier then, I still feel personal connection to that war and that day.
Mostly, I feel it because I know exactly that if the USSR lost in that war, I won't be born, ever. My father is Jewish. He was a child than, safe in evaquation - he would be dead. My mother's parents come from Belarus and Ukraine. She was born after the war - she wouldn't be born.
Also, I've read enough of books like The Diary of Anna Frank to imagine quite vivdly what would happen to me if I lived through that war, if I happened to be in ghetto or in concentration camp.
And to end on a more positive note, I've watched so many films and read so many books about that war while growing up that I can't but feel proud for the people who fought, and suffered, and won. Won this war not for the goverment, but for themselves, for their children, for their future. In spite of all the ugly and cruel things the Soviet goverment did to them during and after the war, they still won, and that's what I am celebrating.

Some songs about the Great Patriotic War that fill me with emotion:
Довоенный вальс - Valtz Before the War, a song about the last days of peace.
Священная война - Sacred War, it was written in the beginning of the war, in 1941, and was practically a hymn, filled with rage and determination.
Смуглянка - Smuglyanka, about the partisan movement (and love), a lovely, jolly song despite the grim circumstances.
Нам нужна одна победа (also performed by it's author, Bulat Okudzhava) - We Need One Victory, a song in a melancholy yet decisive mood.
День Победы - Victory Day, the ultimate end-of-the-war song.
svollga: (smile)
I've started watching X-Files, for the first time since 2000. I was a huge fan back then, but now, I remember little of the series.

The thing that is sort of a cultural shock to me today is the male gaze in the show (lack of it). During the first three series I've watched, Scully is wearing sensible outfits. When she's in the Bureau, she's dreassed as a business lady, no cleavage visible, shirts up to her neck, long skirts, comfortable pants. When they are in the woods she is dressed for the woods: jeans, big warm shirt, big overcoat, hair tied in a ponytale.
It's so... unusual. Today, the heroine goes into the woods dressed in skin-tight jeans and low-cut top, leaves her overcoat open (if she has one), and her hair are long on her shoulders.

Then, there was a bathroom scene in Episode 3. You know those scenes when the heroin is going to take a bath, and then shit happens? She starts the water, and sensually takes her clothes off, the camera following all the lines and curves of her body, and then she steps into the bath, and maybe there is foam covering her skin... then shit happens and she has to fight almost naked for the viewer's titillation. *yawn*
What do we have here? Scully starts the water. She's almost fully dressed, wearing her comfortably wide pants and white blouse, also rather wide and buttoned almost to her neck. She's also wearing comfortable flats. No male gaze camerawork. She is just a women filling the bath to relaz after a hard day.
Then shit happens. While she is fully dressed. Nothing is done for viewer's titillation at all. She doesn't fall into the bath, so that her blouse would become transparent and wrap her body tight. Her clothes aren't torn to give a glimpse of her body. Nothing.
Oh, and she gets the bad guy before Mulder comes to resque. While being fully dressed and awesome.

In Episode 2, she took the bad guy, manhandled him and forced him to do what she wants at gunpoint, wearing big shirt and big overcoat. No high heels, no sexy tight tops, no flirting. Only Scully, no-nonsense and awesome.

The only titillating scene was in the Pilot (Episode 1) where she is actually in her (quite sensible) underwear. (And then Mulder was looking at her naked back. UST on the way!) One scene in three episodes. And I have a feeling I'll have to wait a lot to see Scully undressed again.

Oh. And did I mention that all this time, being dressed sensibly and with her body fully covered, giving nothing to the titillation, she was not just awesome - she was hot like hell?


svollga: (lgbt)
Head of State Duma (main body of Russian goverment) Committee in International Affairs Konstantin Kosachev stated in the interview that Russian goverment basically doesn't want to accept the“Gay Rights” Resolution of Council of Europe Assembly (“Discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity”) which it grudgingly signed on April 1st.
He said that it's bad that Russia is forced to:
- educate people on homosexuality and transsexuality
- allow LGBT public events
- register LGBT organisations.
We can't have it. It destroys out 'traditional values'. Gay propaganda is the main threat to Russia. Oh, woe.
svollga: (granat)
I should really, really stop multitasking.
Because doing four things at once and eating on top of that leads to eggs tasting like deleted files. I'm not kidding.

Also, I need to make my life even more simple and my priorities even more clear. Because while I'm doing many things at once, it all somehow ends with me reading someone who is wrong in the internets. And replying to them! Not good.

svollga: (wish)
I've just downloaded the latest episode of Doctor Who (yes, I leave in a country where you have a choice of either download stuff from torrents or wait for ages for a legal copy), but I am not watching River Song being awesome. Which is weird because I should, but a) I want to work some more, and b) I want to finish my re-run of Criminal Minds first. What the hell happened to my priorities?

I'm watching series 3 to 5 back to back. Watching things back to back helps to see the thematic development, all the small cues that you know will develop into something later, or big things that were predicted before but you missed it, or aftershocks from the big things from the past. And it makes me feel a special fannish hunger.

It's the kind of hunger which makes you want things that were mentioned but never expanded to be expanded in all the details, and things that never happened but are possible or probable or improbable but interesting to happen. That's what fanfiction is for. To satisfy this hunger. Only in Criminal Minds fandom, it is tantalizing becaus this hunger can never be satisfied by fanfiction. And some things will never be satisfied in canon (which is part of what makes this canon so awesome, but also makes me a little sad and hungry).

Read more... )
svollga: (Default)
Black leather dress.
I now own a black leather skin-tight dress.
Oh, I love my reflection in the mirror.
Pity my high heels are over in Moscow. They would complete the look.

Random thoughts on clothing and feminism )
svollga: (lesbian)

I voted for AfterEllen's Hot 100, along with "companion lists", which, sadly, have only 5 places for nominees each against 10 in the main list. Here is my list of choice:

Alyson Hannigan
Catherine Tate - also in Hottest Women Over 40
Christina Cox
Freema Ageyman - also in Hottest Women of Color
Gina Torres - also in Hottest Women of Color and Hottest Women Over 40
Jennifer Beals - also in Hottest Women of Color and Hottest Women Over 40
Kirsten Vangsness - also in Hottest Out Lesbian/Bi Women (and why the hell don't they have Hottest Plus-Size Women vote?)
Meryl Streep - she should be also in Hottest Women Over 40, but I was out of place already, so I decided that she'll be there anyway, and I better vote for some less popular women
Olivia Williams - also in Hottest Women Over 40
Paget Brewster - she should also be in Hottest Women Over 40! Hell, they don't have enough place for my girls of choice. Though I didn't know she is 41 already until I checked her Wiki page.
Sadly, I somehow forgot to add Lisa Edelstein to the main list (I sometimes miss the obvious). But she's in my list of Hottest Women Over 40.

It seems that I consider women over 40 sexier. Which is sort of true - at least in a sence that they usually look on screen like women over 30 I know in real life, they have a more distinct personality, and they often have the type of body I find very appealing - tall, athletic/curvy and busty. It's one of many types of women I find attractive. Though there are many other types I find hot, but they are, sadly, under-represented on screen and among the celebreties. I also find a lot if young women attractive in real life, but on screen, not so much.

BTW, after I voted, I've found this appeal to vote for butches: The AfterEllen list has so far been extremely feminine, white, under 40, and straight. Last year, AfterEllen launched some supplemental lists, which were: women of color, women over 40, and out women. But still, no gender diversity. I already voted so I can't participate again, and though I find butch women very attractive, I don't know any celebrity butches except for Ellen. (This fact nicely illustrates the problem win gender diversity on screen.)

lytdybr

Apr. 24th, 2010 06:54 pm
svollga: (Default)
# Watching Firefly for the second time. How could they axe it? It's brilliant.
# Though I have huge issues with sex-work theme in the series. I wonder where Whedon was going with it.
# Ashes to Ashes seem to blow up the fandom with possible Gene/Sam fanservice. These series are wicked, with all those mysteries and plot twists.
# The doctors still don't know what's wrong with me. It's frustrating, not to know if you have a condition, or psychosomatic symptoms, or you are just lazy. I spent months trying to deal with it on my own, on sheer willpower, because I thought it's just my temporal depression, emotional stress, overworking and so on; then I finally accept that it can be a condition, and go to the doctors - and they say nothing at all, so it seems that it was just my emotions and outside factors. Not that I want to be sick - but I want to know what's going on with me and why, and what to do with it.
# tw_itallchanges has a lovely edisode about Ianto's family. I love Ianto's family. Rhi is awesome, and the whole dynamic in CoE is a sheer pleasure to watch (and has a huge backstory hidden between the lines).

lytdybr

Apr. 22nd, 2010 12:57 pm
svollga: (Default)
Things that make me sad and angry:

# I really, really hate the fact the so-called 'liberals' and 'democrats' become the epithome of oppression and patryarchy when you say 'gay rights'.
# While the news post about how the church in our country is totally separate from the state, the situation in the MIFI (Moscow Engineering and Physics Institute) is getting worse. It all started when the patriarch Kirill received the title of honorable professor. O-kay. But! To celebrate the event, they destroyed the figure of Eternal Student which was a symbol of MIFI for ages, and erected an Orthodox cross instead. Then, when the students tried to sign a petition against it, a lot of them were threatened by the uni administration. WTF?!
# My hair is falling out.

Things that make my happy:

# I suddenly continued to write the story that was jossed by CoE and 'knocks four times' arch, about John Hart working in Torchwood-2 and then travelling with the Doctor. It's funny and absurd, and gives me a chance to write about all the small plot ideas that I don't want to grow into a living, breathing plot bunny. (I even wrote about Jack and Ianto's wedding! Just because in this story, I could pull it off. Now I want a manip of Jack wearing RAF dress uniform, the white one.)
# Fox has decided not to pursue a U.S. version of Torchwood. After what they did to Firefly and Dollhouse, I say: GOOD.
# I bought a black leather dress. On sale. It fits me perfectly, it flatters my curves, and now I have an outfit for SlashCon. I'm almost sorry I decided not to teach a master-class on writing BDSM this year. (Now I want a pretty collared boy as an accessory.)

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