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svollgaI'm sitting in the cafe, drinking coffee and smoking. My friend leaves for the bathroom. There are two men at the next table. One of them looks at me and says to me that I should stop smoking and start running. I say that's not his business. He says (and his friend joins in) that the nation is dying because there are no healthy women to give birth. I ask how is it my problem exactly, and what is his business with me again, and what the fuck, really. (I'm very angry at the moment because I was having a lovely time with a very good friend chatting about Criminal Minds and feminism and guess what? women's health, and I'm sort of unprepared for a stranger to talk to me like that.)
It ends up with me nearly telling them to shut the fuck up, and them eventually shutting up and leaving. I didn't say anything really rude because first, they are two big men twice my age and I am a small young female, and two, it's a cafe I frequent (the only one good cafe in a neighbourhood and one of the two in the entire town, and the coffee is of Ianto Jones's quality) and they probably frequent, too, and I don't want to have problems.
Now, how much is wrong in this situation?
1. What I do with my body is nobody's business.
2. Especially not the business of the strangers...
3. ...who were - guess what? - sporting beer bellies and smoking cheap cigarettes!
4. And especially not because of my own health, but the health of my potential babies.
5. Which I might or might not have, but it is, once again, nobody's business but mine.
6. And if I have them, it's not for the bloody 'nation', whatever it is.
7. Also, those strangers better not make assumptions about my health, habits, family status and plans for the future.
8. The fact that I have to tell them off sucks, but the fact that I have to be careful with it sucks even more, because I should not be afraid of telling off rude people in a peaceful public place, but I am.
9. Because they are male, stronger, and I doubt that anyone will come to my side in a conflict.
End of the venting. Shit happens. And the day was lovely except for this little episode.
It ends up with me nearly telling them to shut the fuck up, and them eventually shutting up and leaving. I didn't say anything really rude because first, they are two big men twice my age and I am a small young female, and two, it's a cafe I frequent (the only one good cafe in a neighbourhood and one of the two in the entire town, and the coffee is of Ianto Jones's quality) and they probably frequent, too, and I don't want to have problems.
Now, how much is wrong in this situation?
1. What I do with my body is nobody's business.
2. Especially not the business of the strangers...
3. ...who were - guess what? - sporting beer bellies and smoking cheap cigarettes!
4. And especially not because of my own health, but the health of my potential babies.
5. Which I might or might not have, but it is, once again, nobody's business but mine.
6. And if I have them, it's not for the bloody 'nation', whatever it is.
7. Also, those strangers better not make assumptions about my health, habits, family status and plans for the future.
8. The fact that I have to tell them off sucks, but the fact that I have to be careful with it sucks even more, because I should not be afraid of telling off rude people in a peaceful public place, but I am.
9. Because they are male, stronger, and I doubt that anyone will come to my side in a conflict.
End of the venting. Shit happens. And the day was lovely except for this little episode.
no subject
on 2010-05-15 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-05-16 02:21 pm (UTC)I'm lucky to socialise in a very comfortable environment, so thisng like that are rare for me, and I react strongly. But really - WTF?
no subject
on 2010-05-15 06:10 pm (UTC)What a bloody nerve, I mean just butting into your business, jeez.
no subject
on 2010-05-16 02:22 pm (UTC)Those people...
The entitlement of an elder man over a younger woman. Bloody privilege.
no subject
on 2010-05-16 03:14 am (UTC)Still, I really wish people would quit smoking in public places. The result of smoking indoors is that it often makes it impossible for the likes me to be in cafes and such. It's just not right, we're not somehow worse and less of human than those who smoke.
no subject
on 2010-05-16 02:24 pm (UTC)Second, I haven't asked for your opinion on smoking, no more than I asked those men.
no subject
on 2010-05-16 02:31 pm (UTC)But this is the question of a) personal culture and politeness of people your socialize with, b) organization of places for smokers to smoke without disturbing non-smokers, and c) social attitude towards smoking. It is an issue but not the one I raised in my post. In the situation I described nobody talked about smoking disturbing other people, but instead, it was about other people disturbing me by nosing into my business.
That's why I snapped at you in a comment above. Your comment was actually offtopic.